I am no exception.
Remember that I had mentioned about my End-Of-Year Assessments in my previous post?
They did not turn out that well.
I had completely flunked my language papers.
It was a horrible feeling, really. When I first received my papers, I did not know what to feel. Was this even real? What am I going to do now? I had scored so badly that my GPA for that subject had dropped 1 to 2 bands. What was worse was that I had been doing relatively well for the subjects, only for the final papers to ruin all the hard work that I had put in throughout the year.
And that was not all of the difficulties and setbacks that I had faced throughout the year.
There were so many other failures that I had faced. I had previously mentioned getting two leadership positions in school as well. I was originally running for being the Captain for my leadership board. And I thought that I would be able to get that position. But obviously that did not happen. During my campaigning speech, I had screwed up everything so badly that I couldn't help but weep when the campaigning had finally ended. They weren't tears of joy, but tears of sorrow and regret. If only I had done better.
These setbacks had really placed a toll on me. I was never a person who had the most positive outlook in life, nor was I a person who could get up on my feet quickly after having a setback.
These failures made me lose a huge part of my self-confidence, especially after my campaigning. I felt that I was not good enough, not fit enough to even take on a leadership role anymore. I had wanted to give up on everything that I had worked hard for for the past two years. I had chided myself mentally for the next few weeks, diminishing my self-confidence even more, and I felt so bitter whenever someone mentioned about campaigning to me. I wanted to cry every time I thought about not getting the Captain position.
But as time passed, it had gotten better. I learnt to still believe in myself despite that failure, and besides, it was not as if I had not gotten any leadership positions after that. Despite it not being as high of a ranking as I had originally wanted it to be, I still had a leadership position, and I was satisfied.
But then, End-Of-Year Assessments came, and I was crushed once more.
It was really upsetting. I felt so horrible, and I felt like crying. But it was all pent up inside, and I could not release it, making me feel so suffocated by my own emotions. It was even worse when I saw my teachers and parents' disappointed looks. They had such high hopes in me, but that only resulted in disappointment.
What was the point of working and trying so hard to do well, only to fail so terribly? I might as well not even try in the first place.
Giving up felt like such an easy choice. You would not need to care about anything, anymore. But then again, I would feel even more horrible if I chose to give up. My conscience would never allow me to.
From these experiences, I slowly realised that it was okay to fail. Sure, it sucks to fail. But no one can ever stay at the peak for so long. No one can even reach their peaks without experiencing some sort of failure in their lives. People needed setbacks and failures in order to learn from their past mistakes and pick themselves up again, and eventually succeed. Nothing is ever smooth sailing in life.
Thus, I will learn from whatever failures that I had experienced this year, and motivate myself to work even harder, in order to not experience such dejection again.
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Album of the Week:
GOT7 - Flight Log: Departure
Genre: Korean Pop, Trap
Language: Korean
In the previous post, I mentioned that this is the first album in GOT7's "Flight Log" series :) This is an extended play, consisting of 8 songs. Furthermore, the members have taken part in the composing and lyric writing of some of the songs! This album is generally really laid-back and relaxing, but there are 1 to 2 songs which are have strong beats as well :)
My favourite songs from the album are Fly, Something Good and Home Run :)
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Pictures of the Week:
On A Lighter Note:
Hello! I'm technically updating on a Saturday since it is around 1.30am where I am at right now but hehe it has been two(?) weeks since the last post. Even though my exams ended, I had competitions and performances to practice for but they are now finally over so I am absolutely free right now yay!! Plus school is officially out hehe :)
However I will be overseas for the next two weeks so I would not be updating this blog. The earliest that I can update it will probably be the last week of November? But it is definitely not confirmed yet.
Also, the page views for this blog have exceeded 1000 views!! It is currently at 1004 page views :) A HUGE thank you to everyone who has been visiting and reading my posts :) I hope you guys liked reading them!
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"Live life, love life."
Hope to see you guys in the near future!
~Baethxr
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