"Inhale Confidence. Exhale Doubt."

I had a 2 hour talk with my mom.

She had recently attended a leadership course, so my mom decided to share about the things that she had learnt with me, as I am also a student leader in my school. 

After talking to her, I realised that I actually have little self-confidence.

Why don't I have self confidence? Is it because I had been judged too many times before? Is it because I care too much about how others view me? Why do I even care so much in the first place? Why can’t I just ignore them and live life as how I want to, and be more confident of myself? I have so many questions, yet they will be left unanswered. 

I don't understand how some people are able to be so vocal and outspoken. I don't understand how they are able to speak out without fear or embarrassment. I don't understand how they are able to be so calm and collected when they speak to an audience. How do people do their valedictory speeches? Aren't they afraid that they may embarrass themselves horribly? 

How are people able to wear unconventional clothing confidently? How do they wear crop tops and show of their stomach without shame, or embarrassment? How do they wear eye-catching clothes without feeling like they are being judged 24/7? I hate wearing clothes that attract attention to myself. The feeling of being watched, being judged, is too much for me to handle. I would badly wish for the ground to swallow me up whole so that no one will see me anymore.

Don’t you find it ironic that I’m selected to be a leader when I don’t even have self-confidence? I tremble and stutter when talking to a huge crowd, and I forget what I want to say. I don't feel confident about my body, or even myself. I am very pessimistic, and I always think of the worst possibilities that can ever happen in any situation. I care too much about other's opinions, but I don't like being judged. I give up too easily, maybe not physically, but mentally, I would have given up accomplishing that task. I am too lazy, too irresponsible, too distracted by who-knows-what, to do anything, let alone lead others.

I may have gone through months of training to become a leader, but I don’t know whether I’m ready to become one. I still have so much that i am lacking in. A leader holds so much responsibility, and needs so much confidence to achieve that, but am i confident enough to be able to direct a group of people? Am i confident enough to bring across my ideas and points to a huge group of people whom i don’t even know? Am i confident enough to be selfless and help others our when they need my help?

Am i confident enough to do the right thing when i see something wrong?

What if I fail as a leader? What if I screw up? What am I going to do? Will they forgive me?

I honestly don’t know.

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I really hope that I can get rid of this huge insecurity of mine, so that I can live life more happily. I am honestly trying to be more brave, doing things that I normally do not do to get out of my comfort zone and overcoming my fear. 

I hope everyone is also trying to overcome their own fears! You cannot hide from your fears forever. We need to try and embrace it, then overcome it. Let's try our best!! I will cheer on for you :)

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Album of the Week:

Super Junior - This is Love

Genre: Dance Pop

I know, I have been introducing a lot of Super Junior albums but that just shows how good their songs are :D

This album is actually a repackage album of their 7th full album, Mamacita. (A full album is a album consisting of around 10-15 songs.) This album had 3 more songs added along with the songs from their Mamacita album, therefore with a total of 13 songs. Like most of their albums, most songs in the album are rather upbeat, but there are still a few slow songs here and there, and they are really catchy! I personally like This Is Love, Hit Me Up, Shirt and Let's Dance from the album. 

Do listen to it if you wish to!

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Picture of the Week:

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On A Lighter Note:

One week of holidays have already passed! *gasp* Time passes so quickly :(

I thought I would have a break from everything during this one-month break, but I was wrong. I still have so much school related and personal things to do!! Therefore, I will not be as free as I had thought I would be :(( But I will still try to keep to the promise of blogging weekly for this month!!

I will be overseas next week, so I will try to blog earlier in the week :)

Thanks for the 240 page views!

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"Love life. Live life."

Hope to see you guys next week!

~Baethxr